letter for papa ....

february 2006

dear papa,

i don't know how or where to begin. this is probably the most painful letter i ever have to write.

i guess i should start by saying - i am sorry. for not being there in your most difficult and trying time and also for not being there today. i know that in your heart and in your mind, you know how much i wanted to be there. i've always longed to hold you and console you and be the good son i wanted to be. unfortunately, certain situations wouldn't let me. i hope you understand. a part of me believes that where i am right now is exactly where you want me to be. this was your grand plan all along. you've worked very hard to provide me with a comfortable life and good education among other things. it was your goal to secure a good future for mama, for my brother and sisters, and for myself. papa, i know you can hear me, and i want you to know that you have succeeded in more ways than one.

although another part of me is lost, i am faithful that in time, i will fully understand our fate.

also, i want to say thank you for a million reasons. you have been a loving husband, a devoted father, a supportive father in law, an adoring grandfather, a valuable friend to peers, coworkers and even acquaintances. you will always be the strong, invulnerable gentleman both kids and adults look up to.
most importantly, thank you for showing us the real meaning of courage and strength. you have redefined bravery and for that, i know i have no reason to feel weak. you are a true gentleman and always will be.

in my heart i will hold a promise - to always remember august 29, 2001. four years, five months, and twenty days ago. as i watched you and mama walk through that gate at the san francisco airport, never did i imagine that it was gonna be the last time i will see you. that particular date shall mark the turning point of our journey.

this is not the end. it will never be. for i am certain that you will be with me as i go through my own personal journey. i know that you will be watching over me and guiding me through the right path.

i am in great pain that i can not be there to read you this letter. my heart bears so much heaviness with the fact that i won't have the chance to say my final goodbye. but i believe that you are always with me and that our love will transgress through the distance.

papa ... the strength you have exemplified will be my inspiration. the knowledge you imparted will be my guiding light. your courage shall make me stronger and in your peace i shall find mine.

i love you and til we meet again...

much love,
your bunso - alex